I mean there are plethora of reasons that having kids is great. But other than the obvious (and sort of boring) reasons, these are my favourites
1. They are a perfect excuse to get out of social events. “Oh I’m sorry aunt Winnie, I can’t come shopping for a coat for your cat, the kids have a quidditch match that day!”
2. An acceptable excuse for a messy house. Picture it, your mate Jane comes round for a coffee on Monday morning, the house is a tip and all you have to do is say “Sorry the house is a mess! My kids are animals haha! *insert eye roll here*” Jane doesn’t need to know they’ve been at granny’s all weekend and you’ve just been a lazy slob.
3. You’ve forgotten to get someone a birthday card? That’s okay! Get your kid to make one! They’ll either love it, or think it’s shit but not be bold enough to tell you. Win win.
4. Uh oh, you have forgotten to get a birthday card and there isn’t time to make one! That’s okay too! Your child has “hidden” it somewhere and you can’t find it anywhere. Little tyke.
5. You’ve spilt something in your top, (if you’re anything like me, this happens more than you’d care to admit) that’s okay! Just tell people it was one of your children. People then see you as a good Mum rather than the ragamuffin that you are.
6. Two words. DISNEY MOVIES. It’s not as sad watching a Disney film if you’re doing it with your child. My daughter has no interest in Brave, but I bloody love it. So I watch Brave while she plays with her toys, and if anyone asks I just tell them she wanted it on…for the seventh time today.
7. Toys! I spent 10 minutes today acting out Game of Thrones scenes with my daughters dolls. If you’re wondering – Princess Sophia walked behind a stark naked Queen Elsa ringing a bell and shouting “Shame!” I’m not even ashamed of this one, it was fucking hilarious.
8. Hiding a hangover. You don’t want people to know you polished off a bottle and a half of wine last night but you can’t hide how truly awful you feel. Blame it on the littles. “Oh the kids kept me up all night last night!” Now you look tired as aposed to a binge drinker.
9. Having kids is generally a more acceptable reason to drink though. So you don’t always have to lie about your alcohol intake. “My toddler has been awful today” is usually met with “Just get them to bed and get a glass of wine in your hand!”
10. They are the best excuse for being late. Now, I’ll admit that nine times out of ten, it is because of the kids that I’m late. But, that one time out of ten it’s completely my fault. I just blame the kids anyway. “Sorry, the baby pooed just before I went to leave the house!”
11. Sweeties. They can’t eat all the chocolate The get at Easter and Christmas. So you get to help them.
12. You always have someone to dance and sing with! Daniel is not always in the mood for a boogie but Connie and Angus are always ready for a dance!
13. They say the things you wouldn’t get away with. I wouldn’t dream of telling the woman in front of me in the queue at Tesco that she jut farted and it stinks. People laugh it off if a toddler says it. But it will stick.