Today is World Maternal Mental Health Day.
The world expects you to be happy all the time. You have a baby! You have what some people have wanted for a lifetime. You should be grateful. There is no room for sadness when there’s babies in your life.
But there is.
And that’s okay.
We are humans. It is ridiculous to expect us to be happy at all times. Especially when we have such a physically and mentally draining job.
Motherhood is no walk in the park. I don’t know about you, but I have spent hours crying. I’ve thought to myself, “I can’t do this”, “I’m a terrible Mum”, “This baby hates me”, “I feel so alone”.
The early days were the worst. I had so many people telling me how gorgeous Connie was, and how lucky I must have felt. They weren’t giving me the chance to tell them how I felt (although, even if they did, I would’ve kept my mouth shut).
Some days, I didn’t feel lucky at all. I felt lonely and tired and and so so overwhelmed. Then, because I didn’t feel like everyone said I should, I was consumed by guilt. Why did I feel like this? Was I the worst Mum? I didn’t deserve this little bundle of crying, pooping wonderfulness.
Seeing parents on television and social media made it worse. They paint pictures of wonderful lives. They’re always smiling and happy and so grateful and in love with their kids. How do I compete with that? How do I keep up?
Some days I just don’t want to be Mum. Even now, that’s difficult to say. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children more than life itself. But there are still times where I just need a wee cry. Where everything is overwhelming me and I’m just exhausted.
Thankfully those days are few now. But in the early months, I thought that’s what I’d feel like forever, and that scared me. Nobody ever told me how hard it can be. Nobody told me that some days you just want to curl up in bed and sob for no good reason.
You are not alone. If you are feeling anything like I was please talk to someone. Family, friends, professionals, or other Mums. We have all been there. And sometimes, you just need to hear you’re not alone.