Having your own children makes you realise how truly awful you were to your own parents.
1. Sorry for never letting you have a bath without an audience. It was the only place you couldn’t escape me when I had stupid question.
2. Sorry for always eating the good food in the house.
3. Sorry for mumbling (that one is mainly for you Dad).
4. Sorry for turning my nose up at food I liked the week before.
5. Sorry for intentionally wrecking brand new, expensive trainers so they looked “cool”.
6. Sorry for replacing all the vodka in the alcohol cupboard with water.
7. Sorry if you didn’t already know about number 6.
8. Sorry for never tidying my bedroom. That’s a biggie.
10. To be fair, I’m sorry about the entirety of the teenage years. I was a horrible person most of the time.
12. Sorry for being so hungover for my 18th birthday party because I’d gotten drunk and lost the night before.
13. Sorry for always being late.
14. Sorry for wearing stick on earrings on photo day when you specifically told me not to.
16. Sorry it cost you an arm and a leg to send me ice skating.
18. Sorry that I didn’t work harder at school.
19. Sorry that I once spilt tipex on my carpet and tried to hide it.
20. Sorry that I got drunk a lot more that you thought.
22. Sorry I mixed grape and grain.
23. Sorry that I stole some of your gin. It was gross, I didn’t take it all.
24. Sorry for that time I put a hole in the sink.
25. Sorry for all the times I whined and gurned over absolutely nothing.
Please please please don’t tell my kids how awful I was, I don’t want them getting any ideas.