The name change argument.

I am currently having an argument with Daniel. This argument has lasted for a LONG time. Since he proposed in October 2014. This argument has stopped us getting married. Well, that and because I spend hours on Pinterest looking at weddings that we can’t afford and I now have my heart set on a day that comes with an unreasonable price tag. But mainly this argument.

I don’t want to lose my surname. He wants me to change my surname. I have said I want to double barrel it but that’s apparently not good enough. He will accept me making my surname a middle name though.

This is probably the only thing we’ve ever properly argued about, other than the time we had a wee tiff so he bought me apology chocolate and ate it himself.

My name is who I am. I like my name, it’s means a lot to me. I changed my name when I was a teenager. My Mum found the love of her life and I found my Dad. I am proud to have his name, we may not be related by blood but he is my Dad and having his name couldn’t make me more proud. I feel like it would be losing a little piece of myself, of who I am, where I’ve come from.

Don’t get me wrong having Daniels name would make me proud too. He is my forever (unless he eats my apology chocolate again, then he is dead to me). He is my family, the father to my children, he is home, but he just doesn’t understand how I feel about my name. And it makes me mad. Really really MAD.

His only reason for wanting me to change my name is that “its tradition”. Tradition shouldn’t be a reason to do anything. Tradition is just doing something because other people do. As my mother always used to say “If they jumped off a cliff would you want to do that too?”

Just because “its tradition” doesn’t mean comes from a good place. Correct me if I’m wrong but does it not go back to the days before women had any rights? Is it not to do with ownership of the woman? When she gets married she passes from ownership of her father to her new husband, thus her name changes. We have moved on from those times. I am not a possession. I don’t like being objectified like this.

Please don’t misunderstand, if you want to change your name, do it! But we shouldn’t be made to feel bad either way.

He just doesn’t understand. At all. He says I’m being disrespectful to him. Am I wrong here? Isn’t he the disrespectful one?


About Beth Mackintosh

Mum of two, well, three if you count the man child. Weddings, skating competitions and the smell of a new book 👌🏼
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